Why is it such a joy when the Starbucks people remember me. And I'm not even talking about the one I go to regularly. On Fridays I do a favor by babysitting one of my partners trainers boys from 6am-9am. I stop at a drivethru StBucks to get myself coffee so I'm not zombalicious... And I get them what they now call a "Hangaber". (sausage breakfast sandwich)

Last Friday I think the lady could tell I just wasn't awake yet. I asked if she could cut the sammich in half. She asked if I'd like the halves in separate bags. Glorious, I said. I told her of my favor, she exclaimed how nice it was of me.

So today... A week later, I order not coffee but a tea, and the 'hangaber' cut in half. When I got to the window she said "oh hi! Off to babysit huh? Oh and two separate bags right?" ...thats why I'll go back places. When people take the time to remember. Take time out of their life, to be a part of yours, even if just for a moment when they are passing your daily lifejuice through a window to you.

Thanks Starbucks drive thru lady.... You make all the difference :)

Spent the evening reading new music mag called Death & Taxes. It's interactivity is brilliant. Text a pic of a page... And it texts you back songs, videos, audio interviews. Why have I not seen this sooner...

While reading, I was battling my kitty for my popcorn bowl. Since when do cats go nuts for popcorn? Oh wait, same cat who shares a bowl of raw meat with her boyfriend, the wiener dog.

I'm hoping for slight rise in temp tomorrow. I'm out of pants... So it's dress and heels day. Hmmm... Might not work so well for climbing ladders to clear drains.

I can't get the Foy Vance song out of my head.

On the flip side...

for me... is usually a whole lot of music swirling around. Right now, it's my xmas cd. O'Holy night, Jingle Bells... not so much. Its moreso a gathering of the songs that make up my being. No matter where I am, no matter what I'm doing, there is ALWAYS a tune in my head. There's usually a song in my head up until I fall asleep at night, and the moment I wake up. What song is in there now? Phil Collins, Pseudio (sp?). What song was there when I was feeding the dogs this morning? Well... technically, the song that goes "If you ain't got no money, take your broke ass home". Except I was singing "If you ain't got no chicken, take your broke ass home"... because I was singing it to the dogs as I was giving them pork rather than their regular chicken.

Anyway, as I've started making an initial list of songs I'd like to do, I find myself saying, "what would so and so like", "maybe I'm doing too much ___", blah blah blah. It's now when I have to remind myself...the songs will happen how they are supposed to happen. The songs will pick me (to some extent).

I do realize its a particular sound I crave. The songs all have some sort of message... or speak to me in some way, of a time in my life, a person who had an impact on my life, or can just stop me in my tracks. I am working on expanding those horizons... and pushing myself a little out of my comfort zone. I have to or there is no growth.

I'm really excited about this project. Excited about the musicians that have agreed to work with me thus far, and excited that I took the step to "do it". I'm also in a huge state of gratitude that Allison has agreed to help. She is the one person who really grasps what this is for me... \m/

...so here's to creation, listening, getting it, and feelin it.

ONWARD!

It's been ages... "in my head"

So while I sit and wait for my new furnace to be installed - I sit by the fire (duraflame), and give you another exciting episode of "what's in my brain".

Quick brain dump first: Thank god my phone wasn't broken. Finally got the dogs to eat their pumpkin... just had to pour a little meat juice on it, duh. My songlist for the xmas cd is coming together. Now to just narrow it down and find a couple more musicians maybe. I notice a lovely pattern with myself, and music. I've been up since 5am. My abs are killing me from Kyle's workout. Mmmm latte. Not sure how I ended up with this new search engine on my computer... Alot? I think its called. I kind of like it.

So, I have two things at the top of my mind this morning. The first thing being my son. For the last few years we've had to work with him as consistently as we could... to keep him focused for school. His teacher tells me he's struggling again. Struggling to stay on task, and now struggling to even get started on some things. I myself, do not like to use the term ADD. I think it tends to lead today's society into immediately thinking "there's medication for that". Yes, there is, but I will not put my child on it. There are other ways to work "with" that challenge. In past years we have really monitored hi diet, and kept him off sugar as much as possible, which really made a huge difference. We also try and limit his gluten and dairy - which again, I think have helped. We've also made him conscious of his food choices, and he has become aware of how his body and his brain react to certain foods. That in itself is a huge step with a 10 year old.

My big concern is that next year he will enter 6th grade, which is a whole new ballgame. Changing classes, 7 different teachers that have way more students to focus on. So I feel like this is the year we really need to set him up for success, instill some sense of resposibility in him for his own work, in recognizing when he's struggling and how to combat it.

I remember as a child growing up, my younger brother struggled with schoolwork, always. And I also remember my mom always being there to scoop him up and do what I thought she believed was helping him, but I think in the end it just made it easier on her, not having to have the fight with him everyday. In essence I believe much of the time she ended up just doing the work for him. Janelle has pointed out to me a couple of times, how my son has a tendency to do that - but in a very non assuming way. We have to talk him so far through a problem that eventually we get to the answer which he writes down. She's right - this does happen. And I don't want to continually give him the answers.

The flip side of this is, when he gets frustrated with a problem or set of questions, he has a tendency to shut down, get very upset, and then a 20 minute homework page turns into an hour and a half ordeal.

I know we're not the only parents that deal with this...but I guess I'm looking for some other ideas, options, different angles these things have been approached at. He is a smart kid with a huge desire to learn, and I don't want to ever have him feel forshadowed becuase learning comes so easy for his sister. So this is a big one for me right now. I welcome other parents to chime in...

Test from mobile :)

I write a thousand songs in your eyes

new song.

As it is...

This beautiful world I live in circles around me - and has given me so many wonderful things to be greatful for. Laughter, smiles, beauty, friends, and sounds. Sounds that enter my head and dance around in my memory making all my moments a part of this soundtrack. I've become a person who sees the sunshine on the dark days. A person who has a sense of self. A person who has an idea of what this world has in store for me. Big things. Big, great things. Things that I never imagined possible. And its time to realize all these things. All the times I had an excuse. All the times I don't think it's possible. Now is the time for no more excuses. Its time for me to feel all the passion and power I've always known exhisted, but never gave myself the chance to realize. Time for me to let this huge song inside of me come to life. The real song. I've got to keep that song at the forefront of my mind. Its what drives my soul like nothing else. All those lyrics are worth a lifetime of who knows what great things will happen next. A lifetime of passion, connection, truth, and knowing that time is mine. I choose. I'm worth all of it. I deserve all of it.

brain dump

Time. Doesn't ever last long. How do we get far enough to realize the time is not ours. It doesn't belong to anyone. Its why we try so hard to harness it. Rope it in. Put a leash on it. Streetlights. Corner store. Flowers for a loved one. Tea on Tuesdays. Love on Fridays. Walk along like the sun burns your feet. Skurry like a chipmonk and find the nuts of Jesus. Rain down on me and feed me your lies. Listen to the sounds. Chew. Milk. Work. Play. Drink. Loose. Know. All in a matter of time. That time that we don't have.

ish

creap to the words that make their way
to find the stories that they live to create
a day a year a world you know
its all this song has to dream about
i need a shadow to create my soul
a beat that follows the words i draw